3:00AM. July 29th, 2016. I'm lying in my hotel bedroom in Manhattan. I just shot 2 music videos in the last 3 days in 2 different states (California and New York). I've had a total of 6-7 hours of sleep over the past 4 days. I've loved every second of it, but my body doesn't feel the love. I feel like a robot, like a computer who can just process - Video treatments,lens choice,location scouting,editing,lighting choice. I'm stuck in a work mode that I can't get out of. I don't even feel like sleeping, I just want to work.



I'm not worried that I haven't eaten really anything all week. I'm just focused that I killed the shoots, that's all. I text my manager that I feel like shit and how my work mode won't shut off. He tells me that "98% of people would kill to do what they actually want to do. Even if it means some times like these."  I couldn't think straight so I circled back to 1 year ago. I was shooting 1 video that month, and circled back to 2 years. I was attending orientation for college and had $1K to my name. I realized I've been grinding at this for years and they are starting to feel like days. Jeremy was right, when I was 19 and 20 I always said "If I lived in LA and owned a RED epic I would be happy and I would have no problems." Let's fast forward a year, I'm in NYC for a $3K shoot and I have a place in LA, a car, a RED epic and a job I love. Why do I feel like giving up?


Within the last year I've always told my parents "sorry I can't I have a shoot" / "sorry I can't I have a meeting" / "sorry I can't I have to fly to _______". I've missed birthdays,family parties,weddings - just straight up seeing my family, and looking back on it, that sucks. Of course, If you run your own company you gotta miss out on these things but I always put work first. It was always work on my mind, nothing else. I've slowly getting better at this but that's the hardest part about life. Having a work life and a family life, without combining them.


We all log on to twitter,instagram,facebook,snapchat,linkedin and see all of our friends making power moves. I see my friends in the same position doing some amazing things and others not doing anything. I'm the most competitive person, if someone else at my level can have something I know if I work hard enough I can get the next best thing. This is what has messed me up. I have my own lane but sometimes I don't think my lane is going fast enough. All of our news feeds are forced down our throats and we have no option but digest it. We see our friends who just bought the new benz, so we want that. We see our friends who just got married to the girl of their dreams, so we want that. We see our friend who just got the job promotion that pays them 750K a year, so we want that. We see all of this information and completely forget we have our own lane, and our own story to tell. Not make a carbon copy of what someone else has.


I use to always have a mentality that my parents didn't know what they were talking about. That it was a new generation and they wouldn't know anything about it. Of course, my mom isn't gonna give me advice on how to be a video director but she knows how to live a great life and how to run a business without running yourself into the ground. She always told me to enjoy life and live a little but I was always focused on some work goal and I kept climbing those goals. Parker enjoy life, I move to chicago. Parker enjoy school, I drop out of school. Parker enjoy the city, I move to LA. She was all about enjoying the moment, I was working in those moments. Unfortunately, this work focus messed up a lot of things in my life. I always chose work over my girlfriend, so I left her. I always chose work over myself, so now I don't know what a "normal life" is supposed to be. Don't get me wrong, I love my job but life is more than a job. You have 1 life and if you spend it working, you might as well kill yourself. You aren't living life in both ways.